I loved this and especially the 3 ideals around communication: 20k hours, comfort in talking through hard and painful decisions, and conversation that is "wildly generative."
OK wow this is a super essay. Thanks for getting your thoughts down on paper. I very much agree that if you can expose your innermost thoughts to someone and have them accept them without judgement then they're a keeper. This works for friends as well as lovers. In fact with friends you benefit from the fact that you don't have to provide unconditional love which can muddy the waters when you're looking for raw honesty.
Conversation that are wildly generative is something I never knew I benefited from. But looking back through my relationships over the years, all the ones that have stuck, have been with people like this, people who's conversation I adore, and learn from. So true. Dang. Your a genius.
Thank you! I feel like something we need to also talk about is the timing and luck of this mutual desire to explore the fusion beyond the excitement it first creates. I have felt this way about a few people and often they were not available to genuinely commit - there's an elusive mutuality and magic of timing to 'finding Alice' that one cannot control... What are the chances that one will find a way after 18 months of pining? Happy this worked out for you, and thank you for sharing.
This was fantastic, Henrik! I basically entirely agree with this way of viewing the problem. But I wonder, have you considered that perhaps not all people have an interiority that is as chemically "explosive" as yours was when you met your Alice/Johanna?
Hi Henrik, I'm not a native English speaker and I may miss some cultural references. But what does "Alice" means in this context? I infer it's designating some sort of ideal partner? But that doesn't make 100% sense.
Everything you wrote here about a) doing experiments to figure-out what you like, b) you don't know what you like, c) and the thing that you like will not be explainable by social standards. I had this exact experience in my current relationship, although mine was a little smooth-sailing-er than you. It likes you was writing my story! (Although I'd admit that I read way less books than you).
I think you're tapping into something larger here. Has anyone told you what you wrote is exactly his/her story?
I think this was one of the best things I've read in MONTHS - thank you <3
I loved this and especially the 3 ideals around communication: 20k hours, comfort in talking through hard and painful decisions, and conversation that is "wildly generative."
Thank you Henrik. this was wonderful to read. Favorite lines:
"the someone else was kind and deep and worth a lifetime"
"show the inside of your head in public, so people can see if they would like to live in there."
OK wow this is a super essay. Thanks for getting your thoughts down on paper. I very much agree that if you can expose your innermost thoughts to someone and have them accept them without judgement then they're a keeper. This works for friends as well as lovers. In fact with friends you benefit from the fact that you don't have to provide unconditional love which can muddy the waters when you're looking for raw honesty.
Conversation that are wildly generative is something I never knew I benefited from. But looking back through my relationships over the years, all the ones that have stuck, have been with people like this, people who's conversation I adore, and learn from. So true. Dang. Your a genius.
This was wise and thoughtful - thank you for writing it.
Excellent, Henrik.
this was such a great essay!
This completely shook the words in my head into a scramble and for the first time, I liked how that felt
This was AMAZING! What an engaging read <3
This was just ... beautiful! Thank you!
Thank you! I feel like something we need to also talk about is the timing and luck of this mutual desire to explore the fusion beyond the excitement it first creates. I have felt this way about a few people and often they were not available to genuinely commit - there's an elusive mutuality and magic of timing to 'finding Alice' that one cannot control... What are the chances that one will find a way after 18 months of pining? Happy this worked out for you, and thank you for sharing.
This is wonderful.
This was fantastic, Henrik! I basically entirely agree with this way of viewing the problem. But I wonder, have you considered that perhaps not all people have an interiority that is as chemically "explosive" as yours was when you met your Alice/Johanna?
Hi Henrik, I'm not a native English speaker and I may miss some cultural references. But what does "Alice" means in this context? I infer it's designating some sort of ideal partner? But that doesn't make 100% sense.
A small explanation would be welcome. Thanks!
Hey Henrik, had to log-in after reading this.
Everything you wrote here about a) doing experiments to figure-out what you like, b) you don't know what you like, c) and the thing that you like will not be explainable by social standards. I had this exact experience in my current relationship, although mine was a little smooth-sailing-er than you. It likes you was writing my story! (Although I'd admit that I read way less books than you).
I think you're tapping into something larger here. Has anyone told you what you wrote is exactly his/her story?